Your insight is appreciated.
Your first paragraph hit it on
the nose for me, and often times Im just too
scared to go there. I'd say my emotions are
pretty stuffed, only to leak out on occasion and in a sense often poison me. Im following
your Emote. In the web of detangling maybe I
will gain some understanding.

If you don't mind me asking Tami, what could be hidden in your emotions that would scare you? Is it that you are scared or you don't like how you feel when certain thoughts come into your conscious mind? Do these thoughts make you shiver and shudder? You see, our emotions effect our feelings. That is to say that an emotion, when 'activated' causes you to feel a certain way.

It was only this morning that I was about to post the paragraph below, but now it is for you.

What we refer to as Emotions are in fact chemicals in our brain. The more emotions that are referred to in a thought the more chemicals that are ‘expressed’. The more chemicals that are ‘expressed’ the more complex the chemical ’soup’ becomes. This chemical 'soup' results in us feeling completely and utterly confused. If we continue to ‘feed’ our brain this complex chemical soup, I believe we will experience a controlled brain ’shutdown’. The ’shutdown’ being in direct proportion to complexity of the chemical 'soup', which is then perceived by those around us as a form of 'Mental Illness'. This 'Mental Illness' can be compared to a warning 'light' like the ones on the dash in the car. It will continue to be 'lit' until the cause is corrected.

If you have a scratch on your leg, you apply a bandaid. If you have a broken arm, you have it put in a cast. If you have a cough, you swallow some medicine. We apply the needed treatment for the particular problem. So to, it is with our minds warning 'light'.

Think for a moment on the thoughts that make you feel terrible. What are they? Don't tell me, but acknowledge the thoughts by writing them down. Now write down how you feel when you are having these thoughts. Look at the lists and consider whether if a friend had given you this list and it was about them, would you believe that the feelings were indicative of the thoughts?

Now, I want you to consider these thoughts. If we are to move forward, we must let go of what is holding us back. What holds us back, is that we hang onto the wrong parts of our memories. You see, our goal in life should be to learn from every step we take, good or bad. If the memory is a bad one and keeps repeating itself in our thoughts and/or dreams, all you have to do is flood it with positive emotions. Focus on an aspect of the memory, something that you wouldn't do again and say something like, 'I'm so glad I had this experience because now I realise that I don't want to do that ever again.' Praise yourself for being you and agree that although the experience may not be something you want to repeat, you are glad you had it because you have been able to learn from it and that makes you a much smarter person. Keep thinking, or replaying the memory, and apply this to each part that you find 'yugghhhh'.

Doing this will simplify your chemical soup and thus reduce the overload on your brain. There is no doubt that once you simplify one thought, another will come into focus and you will feel bad again. Just apply the above exercise. Over about a week or two, you will see that this new positive thought process will become more automated and as an old memory comes into focus in your conscious mind, you will almost imediately see what you have learned and appreciate the experience.

Tim